Me and LG

Me: Here to pick up.

LG: One minute.

Me: Holy shit.

LG: Ticket?

Me: Hey, buddy.  Long time, no see.

LG: I suppose.  22 dollars.

Me: The ticket says 20, dude.

LG: No.  22.

Me: Right there, dude.  2.  0.  20.

LG: Oh, you are right.  20 dollars.  I don’t have my glasses on.

Me: You wear glasses?

LG: No.

Me: We’re like peas and carrots, me and you.

LG: I suppose.

*OnOctober 1st, 2012 I left Los Angeles.  On October 6th, 2012 I arrived back in Chicago.  On December 29th, 2013 I left Chicago.  On January 2nd, 2013 I arrived back in Los Angeles.  This time for good.  LG never left.

LG: Hey.  Here to pick up?

Me: Yep.  It’s free for me today.

LG: Not today.

Me: It’s my birthday, I thought laundry was free on my birthday.

LG: May 12th is your birthday, too?

Me: Whoa.  It’s your birthday?

LG: May 12th.

Me: Me, too.

Silence

Me: So, I guess it’s not free, huh?

LG: Not today.

Me:  Hey, boss.  Haven’t gone back to Caracas, yet?

LG:  Mexicali.

Me:  Yeah, right.  Got my ticket.

LG:  (handing my bags to me)  $29

Me:  (Handing him $30)  Sorry I’m a day late.

LG:  (Handing me change)  And a dollar short?  (eye-balling the tip can.)

Me:  Nope. 

On January 17th, after weeks of doing my own laundry due to the sudden departure of LG from my laundering life, I decided I was too busy for laundry and returned, sad-eyed, to that laundromat on Torrance Blvd.  Not expecting much of anything, I approached the counter, lifted my bags over the gate and this is what happened:

Me:  Hello.  Anyone home.  Here to drop off.

Voice:  Just a minute.

Me:  LG?

Voice:  In a minute.

Me:  Paolito?

LG: Here to drop off?

Me:  (remembering my respective station in this relationship)  I’m not picking you up for dinner.

LG:  Good.  I’m not paying.

Me:  I thought you moved back to Caracas.

LG:  Who said that?

Me:  Ummm.  Laundry Lady?

LG:  I had to help my uncle with his family in Mexicali.

Me:  That’s a lot different than moving to Caracas.

LG:  What is that?

Me:  Bingo. 

LG:  Pick up tomorrow.

Me:  You bet.

And with that the fluff and fold yin, to my drop and grab yang have been reunited.  Caracas.  What is that, indeed.

On December 1st, 2010 I dropped off my laundry.  After roughly 6 weeks of intermittent LG sightings, much less interaction, I learned from LL (Laundry Lady) that LG had moved back to his homeland of Caracas, Venezuela.  I hadn’t pegged LG as Venezuelan.  He looked and outbursted nothing like Carlos Zambrano, after all.  Shows what I know of Venezuelans. 

I also learned that his name was/is Paolito.  Little Paulie.  I kind of like that better than LG.  But, it’s too late now.

Unless LL proves to be more than the pleasant, smiling, pudgily-agreeable woman that I have met on several occasions, this blog will cease to exist. 

Me and LG reminded me of Tom Cruise and his paper guy in A Few Good Men, albeit in a much worse-natured kind of way.  Sharing barbs, caring only enough to mildly aggravate each other and then turn our attentions elsewhere more important. 

So long, Little Paulie.   So long, LG.

Me:  Hello.  Anybody…

LL:  (The Laundry Lady)  Coming.  Coming.

Me:  Here to drop off.

LL:  One second and I’ll get your ticket.

Me:  What happened to the guy?

LL:  Paolito?

Me:  I guess.

(Awkwardness.)

Me:  Was he the only guy that worked here?

LL:  Yes.

Me:  Then, yes, Paolito.  What happened to Paolito?

LL:  He moved back to Caracas.

Me:  Venezuela? 

LL:  I think so.

Me:  Are you related to Paolito?

LL:  No.

Me to LG:  Here to pick up, ace.

LG to Me:  Ticket?

Me to LG:  (handing ticket)  Hey.  Happy haircut.

LG to Me:  What do you mean?

Me to LG:  I mean you got a real sweet haircut.

LG to Me:  It’s not that great.  (handing my bags to me)

Me to LG:  I know.

(Long pause and staring.)

LG to Me:  Got ‘em all cut.

Me to LG:  Holy shit. 

(Laughing so hard I start squealing and wheezing.)

Me to LG:  You’re awesome. 

Speaking loudly to overcome an inappropriately high radio volume.

J to LG:  Hey, man.  Here to pick up.

LG to J:  Ticket.

J to LG:  (Handing ticket to LG in silence)

LG to J:  $24

J to LG:  What ya listening to, boss?

LG to J:  Radio.

J to LG:  (pausing at the magnitude of previous answer)

LG to J:  That ok?

J to LG:  Please just give me my clothes and change so I can go.

Exchange of clothes and change.  LG turns up volume on way out.

J to LG:  Yo, boss.  Where are you?  Anybody here?

LG to J:  (from behind a double tall bank of dryers) Coming.  Coming.  (rounds the  corner 2-sticks into a KitKat.)

J to LG:  KitKat, huh?

LG to J:  Yup.

J to LG:  Making the most of your break, huh?

LG to J:  Yup.

J to LG:  You should try a banana.  Potassium.

LG to J:  Meh.  (looks @ back of kitkat wrapper.)

J to LG:  Yeah, no potassium in that bad boy.  Maybe next time on the nanner.

LG to J:  Meh.

J to LG:  Probably not though.

LG to J:  Probably not.  Here’s the ticket.

J to LG:  Alright boss.  Real good talk.  You working tomorrow?

LG to J:  Yup.

J to LG:  I’ll see you then.  Maybe I’ll bring you a banana.

LG to J:  Probably not.

J to LG:  Bingo.